listening to your horse

Processing the loss of my horse

Dear Kyra,

It’s been exactly one week. I miss you terribly. I didn’t realize that my love for you was so deep and profound.

I dream about you. Really beautiful weird dreams. In my dream this night, you told me you’re missing me and that you love me so much. Love, not loved. You spoke in words.

listening to your horse

We also had fun together. We walked in a department store together and there you showed off your levade we were working on 2 months ago. It was busy. Your coat had a special rainbow shine. It was so cool!

I get a lot of support and many people who I haven’t spoken to react to your eulogy with kind and supportive words. You have made many human friends; did you know that? You really made a positive impact when they’ve met you and also in your videos you inspire people.

People are telling me you(r training videos) are such an inspiration to them. You keep teaching and coaching even after you passed away, dear sweet Kyra.

Yesterday I shared two really good videos of us working together and it helped people understand what I meant with an advanced R+ technique I was talking bout. Apparently, our journey together isn’t over…. That’s good to know.

People are encouraging me to share my emotions and what I’m going through. They told me that it can help others that are going or have gone through the same grief of loosing a horse.

I noticed that I am able to go through the sorrow and grief and end up feeling happy and joyful. It has it ups and downs.

Most sad thing is that I envisioned a whole future together. You and me (and Magic and maybe others, too) living on my horse property. You and Magic in the sunshine. You and me riding in the rainforest here in BC. You and me offering demonstrations clicker training. You and me in meditation, you and me…. Just being together without an agenda…. Enjoying every moment.

Poof! Gone! Nothing of this beautiful future will happen.

I feel lost without you, I really want to keep training and learning.

I don’t want a rebound horse (LOL) because I want to mourn properly first.

 I want my next horse (because there will be a new one, that’s for sure) to be chosen from a “going towards” energy: I’m excited and looking forward to have you in my life, instead of a “moving away” energy: I want to forget my grief, so let’s get another horse. Not fair to me nor to that horse.

We’ll see what happens. I have some ideas….

Dear sweet Kyra, thank you for everything you gave me. Thank you for everything you gave others. I love you. I am looking forward to meet you in my dreams again.


trick training lying down

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